From Rebellion to Devotion... lifes many twists

The idea of devotion was a concept I set aside when I made the choice to step away from traditional religion, and open myself to spirituality. At the time I didn’t know what spirituality meant, but I knew in my heart I needed to follow my own spirit towards a higher meaning and life of purpose. Something away from the pre-conceived concepts of a God contained within the frame of fear and judgment. At the time this felt much like an act of rebellion which perfectly suited the 20 something year old that I was. I didn’t realize until much later how magnificently wise that young woman was. She was pretty amazing and I am so proud of her.

Once the intention to live in alignment with a higher purpose was set, many opportunities for developing the needed skills for aligning with this purpose surfaced and looking back, I can honestly confess that these have not been comfortable or easy lessons to learn, some even painful. However the new relationship that has blossomed from within myself has made each hard spot softer and easier to appreciate, bringing deep purpose to each experience as I gently knit stitch by stitch the tapestry and mastery of life.

These past weeks have brought forward on numerous occasions the opportunity for me to re-evaluate my concept of devotion. At first the word devotion started to pop up in conversations with friends, later in books and soon in my yoga and meditation practice. I opened a curios ear to all of this, but it wasn’t until I lost a significant sale opportunity for Knitting Peace due to my own procrastination that I realized... uh-oh Houston, my Angels really want my attention.

The loss of this big sale helped me come to the awareness that I wasn’t devoting myself fully to what I considered to be my life’s work and this was a representation or projection of how I was being with myself and ultimatly God. Meaning I was not fully allowing myself to authentically embrace a life of devotion to something higher than myself.

During this process all the old preconceived notions of religion, God and devotion came forward for a re-visit. However this time with the skills I accumulated since my last wrestle with devotion, I was able to hear my hearts deep yearning and longing to love open heartedly, with absolute joy, loyalty, humility and fervor. To be devoted to something higher than myself, to something which I can’t see, taste, hear or feel but know in every cell of my being loves me unconditionally and wants only for me to experience authentic, the cup runeth over kind of loving, and radiate this love unlike any love imagined by my mere mortal mind.

It is from this space that I am learning that devotion is gratitude to the sacredness of life, making each breath a moment of connection and love expressed with Source. Devotion to the spirit in every form, living in devotion to something higher than ourselves and everything in between, revealing the ilussion of separation. Living in flow as ONE and part of the whole, like drops in the ocean.

To me, this is the face of pure, unconditional love.

This is my dog Nicolas, one of my favorite beings in the Universe

Pre-adolescents in jail and nowhere to go

Knitting Peace, as a social enterprise seeks to empower its team of incarcerated women in overriding some of their limiting core beliefs with new visions of what is possible for themselves and their children.

In doing so, I am becoming more and more aware of their daily challenges within the Bolivian jail, and count on the pleasure of experiencing their trust as they share with me some of their stories and hardships. One situation which I became aware of and is of great concern to me is in regards to the children reaching the age limit to legally remain within the jail.

Legally, children of incarcerated women in Bolivia may live within the jail with their mothers until the age of six. Exceptions are made in the case of those children who don’t have family to live with outside the jail. These special cases are considered, and the children are allowed to remain within the jail until the age of 12, assuming they have no other alternative.

Once these pre-adolescents reach the age of 12, they are required to leave the jail. Fortunately by then most of these children have a family member or older sibling they can count on to support them while their mothers remain incarcerated. However, there are more than a handful of cases in which these adolescents have nowhere to go.

Picture taken by Hannah Kozak

Charo, one of my team members approached me with great concern because her daughter turns 12 next month. Charo has at least 10 more years to complete her sentence, does not have any family members she can count on to care for her daughter, and her time to decide what to do is running out fast. Charo shared with me that her alternatives are to either send her little girl to a home for street children, or rent her a little room where she can live alone. Charo says she is willing to work hard to make sure her daughters financial needs are met, but she is concerned for her daughter’s safety and well being while living on the outside without her.

To my surprise, Charo expressed much concern in sending her daughter to live in a home for homeless children, where she could count on adult supervision, discipline, schooling and food. Many of the women shared with me that in these homes their children would be exposed to street kids who have been vulnerable to drugs, prostitution and sexual abuse, and fear their children will become vulnerable to these as well while in these homes.  

For these reasons Charo and many of the women with pre-adolescents within the jail are more inclined to send their children to live alone in a rented room, without any supervision and away from the nurturing eye of their mothers.

It is in situations like this that I have a hard time understanding what the lesson opportunity is for these children. Why do some lives have to be so hard? I can’t imagine living alone at the age of 12, how I would have handled it, or what choices I may have made. It seems a recipe for disaster or at the very least another teenage pregnancy or the repetition of the cycle from which these girls were brought into.

At best, my work through Knitting Peace strives to provide opportunities to change the trajectory of the children of these incarcerated women in service to healing and empowering generations to come; however I feel I am at a loss in this situation being that the alternatives seem to lead to more of the same.  My hope is to find an alternative to bridge the gap between living with their mothers, and living in alignment with their higher purpose and well being. 

Picture taken by Hannah Kozak

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The deep inner journey thickens

During my almost 9 month stay in Bolivia, I have had the pleasure of meeting amazing, strong women who are grounded, connected, attuned to their feminine and very wise. I have learned a lot from these women; regarding the sacredness of ceremony, the importance of being a strong female today and the power we each have to affect all of which surrounds us.

I feel blessed by their presence¸ example of leadership and guidance, all of which has inspired me to begin taking steps in developing and owning my leadership skills within the compounds of the jail Knitting Peace has taken me into. From this space of deep inner knowing, I have felt called to develop a weekly program for these incarcerated women that could provide a safe and nurturing environment for healing. The program would consist of weekly classes targeting specific topics of discussion, and would last between 60-90 minutes once a week. As the weeks go by, the topics of discussion would also progress and deepen, creating a momentum and sacred bond between the participants.

My Bolivian mentors have enthusiastically agreed to join me in this effort, we have put our hearts together and set the intention of developing a weekly class that deals with topics such as self healing, empowerment, freedom to choose, family planning, affirmation setting, honoring oneself,  communicating with kindness, heartcentered listening and much much more. Our intention is to provide a safe space for healing, releasing that which no longer serves and providing skills that allow for the opportunity of personal freedom, self forgiveness and higher vision.

I am very excited about this new phase Knitting Peace is paving the way for! I am also trusting that we will be guided perfectly, allowing only that which is in service to the highest good to come forward. I also know that our team of facilitators will expand and many angels in human form will come forward to share their wisdom and experiences so our group of women will grow all the more for it.

So, this goes out to all my heart centered friends… the invitation is yours. We know the power and joy of being of service. There is great need for soul centered leadership here, and I welcome any and all assistance in facilitating or adding to this program.

Thank you for listening, ~Namaste

Taking Reiki to the jail

Recently a Reiki Master from Cochabamba expressed interest in coming to La Paz to facilitate a Reiki workshop inside the prison I work with through Knitting Peace. I initially had mixed feeling about presenting a Reiki workshop inside the jail, since Reiki is not a common practice in Bolivia, and I was concerned there might be little interest.

With the approval and support of the lead Capitan within the jail, the workshop was held in a small room which contained stacked plastic chairs. Since we had no idea how many women would show up, I optimistically laid out about 20 chairs to make sure we had plenty of seats available for everyone. As more and more women showed, the chairs seemed to multiply and the space seemed to expand. Almost 40 women participated, many of which are part of my team of knitters. It was beautiful to watch these women laugh and in some cases cry, as the Reiki Master explained the existence and purpose of our energy bodies, and how blocked energy can be released and healed. Many women courageously spoke of their past experiences, learned beliefs of what it meant to be a woman, what it meant to be an incarcerated woman and the fears they had for their children. It was touching to hear these women express themselves authentically in a group setting were not all faces were friendly.

The Reiki Master skillfully and quickly explained the power and purpose of Reiki, and how these women could help each other heal through the practice of Reiki. Inside this jail which holds about 200 women and 70 children, Reiki could prove very useful for harmonizing and healing within those walls. The women became excited to hear that they could actively participate in the healing of their friends and sisters within the jail.

The last part of the workshop was dedicated to giving the group of women the official Reiki Attunement, which they received with openness and joy. After the attunement, we practiced Reiki in pairs making sure each participant left the workshop knowing how to practice Reiki on themselves before applying it on others. It was very endearing to watch the women attune to their energy, ask that their hands be guided to go wherever healing was needed, and work in harmony with each other. The room was full of laughter, childlike play, curiosity for the new sensations they were experiencing and ultimate connection with Source.

Weeks have passed since the class, and the women continue to stop me in the corridors with questions of hand positions, expressions of gratitude for the workshop and eagerness for the Reiki Level II workshop, which we will be holding in October.

It doesn’t seize to amaze me that regardless of background, spiritual upbringing, culture or race, we humans are all bound by a common basic need to express love and receive love. I find it fascinating to experience this from inside a jail, were one might presume the last place to experience love. I am in gratitude for these women, and all they teach me. They honor me with their trust and again and again prove to be a blessing in my life.   

~ Namaste

Inspiring Women...

The past week has been plagued with news about recent reports of abuse to incarcerated women in La Paz Bolivia, specifically within the jail I work in. A Peruvian woman who allegedly attempted to escape the prison in June, denounced the prison guards of punishing her by keeping her in solitary confinement while handcuffed to her bed for 45 days.  I realize abuse within jails is not uncommon news; however when we think about the significance of women and mothers being in prison, without a sentence or trial date the injustice speaks for itself. In Bolivia 78% of incarcerated inmates are in jail without a sentence, mainly due to the lack of quick legislative processes as well as the lack of financial means on behalf of these women to legally defend themselves.


The majority of the incarcerated women, are incarcerated without a sentence for drug transporting which in impoverished countries such as Bolivia, is a very tempting way to earn enough money to care for their families. With drug trafficking at an all time high, the prison walls are filled to capacity and a solution to this cycle has yet to be found.


Indigenous Bolivian women find themselves more often than not, raising their children on their own, which is why these children have few options when their mothers are incarcerated. The majority of these women can not afford legal representation and are shuffled through the system, waiting for their sentence, often times for many years, even if they are innocent. Once their case is settled and they are given their freedom back, they are expected to pay a fine which is usually a astronomical amount for these women, especially since their opportunities to find paying jobs are limited by their incarceration. If the fines are not paid, they are not allowed to leave the prison. 

The more I see and experience, the more I realize how hard life can be for women in developing countries. Their options are limited by cultural roles, the economy, politics, little education and the lack of opportunities to break the cycle of intergenerational identities. Should these women become incarcerated, the stigma that comes along with that is dramatic. They are no longer viewed as adequate wives and mothers, and are forced to live in overcrowded spaces with little options for sustainability. The increased population within these jails due to drug related micro-trafficking poses an increase in abuse and violence within the jail.

As grim and unimaginable this may all sound, my experience of these women and their children has taught me a lot of the strength of the human spirit and how we truly have the freedom to choose our attitude in life in every given moment that we share. Every time I enter the jail doors, I am greeted with smiles, laughter, enthusiasm and authentic appreciation. I am amazed at how these women can find the will to continue to live fully, despite the negation of basic rights such as knowing how long they will be stripped of their freedom to live outside those walls.

Within these walls I have been blessed in experiencing friendship, with women I never would have imagined befriending. These women teach me everyday to use my internal strength inherent to us all, to not only survive but thrive. Thrive in the little things that make a big difference, thrive in sharing the best of oneself despite the physical discomforts our outer world reality may contain.

If these women can live enthusiastically and with laughter, then I have the response-ability to reflect back to them the same enthusiasm and joy. They teach me to give my very best, I wholeheartedly choose to receive their best, and am inspired to give back my best. And so the cycle of giving and receiving becomes one in the same, a continuous flow of love and respect.

Many people say I am kind because I choose to hire these women to knit my Alpaca product line, and in all honesty, kindness has nothing to do with it. I receive and learn so much from these women and children, that if anything, they are behaving with kindness, in teaching me to live courageously and with dignity, regardless of my circumstances.